Who This Statement is For
On Race and Ethnicity
Gender and sexuality are incredibly important to how we live our lives, but so are so many other identities, each of which intersect with each other to create important differences. There are many common experiences men share, but there are enormous differences between the experiences of, say, black and white, South Asian and Latino men.
When speaking for “men” - half the world’s population - in our articles we hope to balance the pragmatic expediency of broad generalizations with sensitivity to the incredible diversity of male experiences. Similarly, our authors hope to keep in mind their own position in society with the various groups they’re part of and the limitations and assumptions of their own experience.
On Religion, Politics, and Ethics
Among our authors are Christians, Jews, Buddhists, atheists, and people drawing from a range of other traditions. This site takes no official stance on any religious or non-religious worldview. We do, however, explicitly reject sub-groups of any tradition that are intolerant toward others or are violent, with the exception of self-defense.
Our political and ethical commitments also come from diverse sources. What we share is a minimum common ground: psychological and social wellbeing, for both individuals and communities, are the focus of our work. Individual authors will bring their own perspectives and take their own positions. We believe these positions should be grounded in evidence, namely reliable statistics and direct experience.
We welcome disagreement, although only if paired with genuine humility, curiosity, and respect for those who are living the issues being discussed.
What We Believe
On Gender and Sex
Gender refers to psychological and social traits and expressions. Like all psycho-social phenomena, it has a complex relationship to biological sex but is distinct from it. The social and psychological dimensions of gender include a wide range of things, from clothing and careers to temperaments and values. How society labels things "masculine" or "feminine" and where any specific person gets their gender identity from are genuinely interesting and complicated questions. We don't pretend otherwise.
What we do believe is that gender comes in a wide variety of forms, that many people find real meaning and beauty in their gender expression, and that respect is the foundation of any honest conversation about it.
On Queer and Trans Identities
Most people naturally lean strongly toward one end or the other of the gender spectrum, and most lean heterosexual. But we believe it is both scientifically illiterate to ignore the genuine diversity and complexity that exists in human sexuality and gender. Sex, gender, and attraction usually coincide, but they also frequently don't.
We believe queer and trans identities are healthy expressions of gender, and that these individuals deserve not just tolerance but genuine welcome. Further, transgender men - who are no less men for the path that brought them there - bring invaluable perspectives to our understanding of masculinity.
On Patriarchy and Feminism
These terms are used a lot. So what do they mean? Patriarchy refers to social structures - whether political or cultural, implicit or explicit - in which men hold disproportionate power. Progress has been real and significant. But given facts, like Congress remaining over 70% male, no woman yet serving as president, and that a meaningful pay gap persists, we still live in a society largely run by men. However, this doesn’t negate the harsh, unfair reality that men face too, given facts such as we’re 91% of workplace and 80% of suicide deaths.
Feminism, as we understand it, is about fairness. As a group, we identify with it because fairness benefits everyone. We also believe feminism, properly understood, includes addressing the structural issues that disadvantage men. Those issues are real, under-acknowledged, and central to our work.
We have genuine empathy for the anger that social systems, and personal trauma within them, can produce. But we reject any story that casts women simply as victims and men simply as perpetrators. Although there are of course significant differences, both men and women are harmed by patriarchal structures. Both also uphold them. Competing over who has suffered more when both have suffered so much makes things worse. This is, and has to be, a both/and conversation.
On Change: Structural and Personal
Structural problems require structural solutions: laws, policies, and unspoken norms all need to be examined, challenged, and reimagined. This needs to be done by people of every gender, together. That work requires curiosity, active listening, and a willingness to be wrong.
Personal change requires something similar: a genuine balance between empathy, patience, and forgiveness on one side, and responsibility, accountability, and honest self-examination on the other. The tools matter as much as the intention. A system built on judgment, shame, and force cannot be dismantled by more of the same. It can only be rebuilt differently through different means.
We also believe, and this is central to our clinical work, that empathy and understanding are preconditions for challenge and accountability, not alternatives to them. No one changes when they feel attacked.
This statement was written by Paul Chiariello in June 2026, along with Ben Stein, Matt Richardson, Esteban Rios, Josh Hillebrand, Josh Davis, and Jonathan Vargas. Future updates and revisions will planned and noted.
In collectively developing this statement, we kept three groups of people in mind.
Primarily, this statement is for ourselves; the therapists writing on this website. We developed it together to better understand our beliefs and common ground, and will continue to update and refine it together. One of our key values is self examination and continued education. We also believe it is important to share the values we describe below for a more informed, just society.
We’re also interested in speaking with two often very different groups of people: those belonging to social justice and academic circles, as well as men who are hurting, searching, and frequently skeptical of the former group.
Men who need help are, to us, the most important part of our audience. Our aim is to speak to the pain and the questions that too many men have, and often silently hold onto. We hope to provide what care and answers we’re able to. Towards this end, we want to show that we are not offering another platform for anger and criticism, but start from a place of understanding and empathy.
However, we also want to be conscientious of the skepticism of many people in social justice and academic groups, especially women, minorities, and marginalized groups generally. After even a brief glance at history, we believe this skepticism is warranted. So while time will tell with our actions, we hope the following statement provides some reassurance given our goals.
AI Policy Statement
The collective statements and individual blog articles on this website were not developed using AI. All members agree that the writing they sign their names to is their own. However, this does not limit AI use to editing for basic grammar and structural issues.
We believe this is important for many reasons, including that the ideas and voice present in each piece reflect the therapist our readers may end up working with.