A No Nonsense Intro to Mindfulness & Its Benefits

If you’re skeptical of mindfulness meditation or simply just don’t get the point, I 100% hear you.  I can’t tell you how many talks and trainings about mindfulness I’ve attended where I’ve left with nothing more than I entered with.  All fluff and no meat.  Which is such a shame, because there’s so much depth to a process that seems so simple: counting our breaths and non-judgmentally noticing everything else. 

What Mindfulness Is and Isn’t

Let me be direct - Mindfulness is how we build up two mental muscles so that we can take control of our lives. It’s how we start really living life as it is, instead of how we imagine it is. It’s how we become proactive instead of reactive.  There simply is no training or workout more effective for this goal.

Flip side of the coin - Mindfulness is NOT about finding peace or clearing our mind or being empty or thinking deeply or finding our center or becoming one with the cosmos or anything else.  (Honestly, it’s not even really about focusing on our breath, but more on that later.)  Some of these things are a distraction or antithetical to mindfulness, and others are nice bonuses that we sometimes get .

Mindfulness is a Workout

Mindfulness meditation, especially when first starting, can be boring, exhausting, and can leave us feeling like a failure. 

Just like when we first start running or lifting weights.  If it’s a miserable experience, that’s not out of the ordinary.  But also like working out, it does get easier or more enjoyable with time.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. For those who still need the basics how to guide, it’s fairly straightforward, at least to start. 

1)     Get in a comfortable position, but one that you won’t fall asleep in. Most people keep their eyes open and find a quiet place.

2)     Count your breaths 1-10. Focus your attention on the counting, as well as the sensation of breathing as it goes through your nose/mouth and into your lungs.

In a certain sense, that’s it! 

But in another sense, the next two steps are where the actual workout happens.  Every workout needs resistance.  Running up hills is a better workout than on flat ground, and adding more weight on the bar creates more of a challenge and better results.  Here’s the resistance in mindfulness meditation, with each round of this counting as a rep.

3)     When you inevitably get distracted, good!  When you notice the distraction itself (a barking dog, anxiety about bills, rehearsing an argument, daydreaming about dinner, an itch), try to notice it with curiosity instead of judgment. It’s just a thought, feeling, sensation that happens to be coming up right now. Nothing more. Instead of feeling it from the inside, try to observe it from the outside.

4)     Shift or turn your attention back to your breath.   

That’s it.  Don’t bury the thoughts and emotions or try to avoid them. See them as leaves floating past you in a stream.  Pick them up for a moment, and then place them back in the water. Sooner or later they’ll drift away on their own. Put your effort into focusing your attention like a laser back on your breath. 

And don’t worry about the next one that comes up in a few seconds!  Each distraction creates resistance.  Each is one more rep.  It’s the hill you’re running up, it’s the weight on the bar, it’s the point of this whole thing.  The point is getting distracted and then doing #3 and #4.  That’s the work out.

Our Mental Muscles

Now, what are those two “mental muscles” I mentioned above?  And how does getting distracted and counting our breath do anything to build them? 

Muscle #1: Cognitive Defusion:  This is the technical term for the first muscle you practice in step #3.  It’s also talked about as “externalizing” and an “observer self”. It’s described as “nonjudgmental awareness of the present”, to paraphrase Jon Kabat-Zinn’s famous definition of mindfulness.  

Importantly, we don’t choose when we defuse.  We just do it.  Same as we don’t choose to forget or remember something. The repetition of sitting with the purpose of waiting to get distracted so that we can again and again go through reps of cognitive defusion strengthens this muscle. This is similar to memorization, repeating the same thing over and over until it sticks.  Repeatedly using the defusion muscle strengthens it.  Simple as that.  So the more we practice this, the stronger and more quickly we can defuse from our thoughts and impulses and notice that they’re coming up.

What does this look like in real life?  Well, ever get in a fight with someone and, yet again, you get defensive instead of empathizing with them as you were planning to do?  Or you’re scared of X, even though you know it’s harmless, but when it’s back and right there in front of you, you panic? 

Mindful defusion isn’t everything, but it’s a necessary first step. It’s the skill or muscle that gives us the space to stop being reactive and be more proactive.   

Muscle #2: Concentration: This muscle, which we practice in step #4 above, takes intention and effort.  But boy is it hard. And similarly, repetitive practice strengthens this muscle so we can turn and focus our attention with more clarity and for longer. 

Remember when I said mindfulness isn’t about breathing?  Let me explain.  Our breath is a great placeholder since it’s always with us, but it’s just that.  It’s just a convenient “object” of our concentration and attention.  Later, when you get better at mindfulness meditation, many people graduate to mindful walking.  Here, focus on counting your steps and the sensation of the ground beneath your feet.  People also focus on washing dishes (each dish and the feel of it in your hands), eating (the taste and texture of each bite), talking (the words and expressions of the person with), and theoretically, well… anything.  Anything that we can focus our attention on can be an object of meditation.  Just like working out, it doesn’t actually matter that you run around the block or are lifting that black circular metal plate.  Those are just placeholders that conveniently create the repetitive tension necessary to give your muscles a workout.

Benefits of Mindfulness Meditation

How does this apply in real life?  Well, I said that defusion is the necessary first step.  We need to notice that we are reacting.  Concentration then comes in for the next part. What do we focus on instead?  What do we do proactively? Well two kinds of things.

What do you want to be doing right now? We’re so often stuck in the past or future rather than the present.  Ever spend a dinner with friends or family, but instead of actually being with them you’re anxious about your meeting tomorrow or that fight you had with someone three years ago?  Right now, during dinner, you can’t do anything about either of these things.  What you can do, what would be better off doing, is to connect with the people in front of you and enjoy a nice meal.  That is your breath. 

Who do you want to be right now?  Even when we’re in the present, we often aren’t the kind of people we want to be. Remember the example of planning to be empathetic during a conversation but instead you do what you always do: get angry and defensive?  Well, after defusing and noticing your reaction, you can put your effort into turning towards who you want to be, like someone who’s empathetic and listens. 

Of course, we might be “distracted” again and go back to being defensive. But (in a sense) that’s ok.  Just do another rep. 

Next Steps

Just start meditating! Research shows you don’t need to meditate for hours at a time.  Start off with 10-15 minutes a handful of times a week.  Or do less if it gets your foot in the door.  Something is better than nothing. 

Next, find people who meditate to talk to and learn with, whether they’re a therapist or a friend or members of a Zen center.  Discuss the experience and find the tweaks you can make to your workout schedule, form, and so on. 

Lastly, mindfulness is deceptively simply.  There is so much more to it, especially down the road. Too much for a short article.  If you’re interested in reading up.  Here’s an app and a few books that might be helpful.

·        HeadSpace.com: Mental Health App for Meditation & Sleep

·        Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn

·        Mindfulness and Schema Therapy: A Practical Guide by Michiel van Vreeswijk, Jenny Broersen, Ger Schurink

·        Mindfulness in Plain English: 20th Anniversary Edition by Henepola Gunaratana

·        The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation by Thich Nhat Hanh

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